The Heart Has Its Say.

And We Are.

2010-03-27T11:36:00.002+08:00

For sure today's going to be a blast. Having dinner with EX-secondary school people, going out for a cheap thrill experience with the usuals. I'm really looking forward to this weekend.

I'm so overwhelmed with what's ahead of me now. If I could just get a glimpse of what's in store for me for the next 20 years down the road, I would be grateful. As long I don't find out that I have something so bad going to happen to me. But that's not for real as long as I'm still not the Time Traveller, without the wife that is. Looking at how things' flowing right now, its getting a little bit out of tempo and melody. And of course I'm worry like a crazy horse. I'm not feeling it. Everything seems to get out of hand and beyond my control. And I have to just sit and suck my thumb through this. I tried hard to adapt to it but it seems impossible. Maybe its just something that doesn't suit me.

Nevertheless, on top of all these misery and sufferings, I still have lovely people around me. They are just enough to remedy everything now. I just have to prioritize everything back and again. And everything will be back on the right track, hopefully.

April is just around the corner and I'm so not looking forward to it for some reasons. Just go through the motion, baby. The motion.

Take care, people.

Not Just Yet.

2010-03-24T21:11:00.002+08:00

Workloads getting heavier. As I thought so much of the pressure passing by together with time, I was wrong. Now how should I get it right?

Next month going for a 1-month course. So not into it. Its far, waste of time and I only benefit the experience wise. I don't want experience. I want something so rewarding that I consider myself the lucky one. But for sure that's not going to happen. But what I can request now is to have more perks and advantages. Hope that will work. Better be.

Sorry not much of what I can update now. Dad's watching the television now and the volume is like the one in the movies. Can't focus on what I'm typing.

Take good care, people.

These Dampened Feelings.

2010-03-07T18:07:00.002+08:00

And again, after for so long I kept quiet, it happened. For once, I thought I was done with it. But now, I just cannot believe things turn back to its roots again. Whether it turns out well or not this time round, depend on the decisions I have to make. I learnt my lessons. I had enough. Please, all these feelings are making me feel so insecure as a person, a man. I should be more decisive, and not too laid back. People are stepping over my limits once in a while. Do I need help? Its an obvious. But who can? These thoughts and feelings are so conjoint with each other that it is too complicated even for Einstein to solve it.

I'm confused by it myself. At one time, I felt all these are a complete waste of time. But I simply cannot ignore these little things. I just have one aim; I don't want anything to change because of this. It happened once and we are so fucked up by it. And till today, I'm not sure whether we're suppose to be in talking terms or not. I regret it had to happened, but that's the past. I guess it was over, somehow. I guess. But now, it happen again.

What's my next move? I just want to let everything off my chest but its all a matter of time. Dear God, please assist me in this one.

Wild & Running, Again.

2010-03-07T00:21:00.003+08:00

This space will be revived again. Its been too long since the heart had its say. Too long.

Speak & Watch.

2009-04-30T10:17:00.004+08:00

Its been endless minutes, hours and days since everything was back to normal. Ignorant and attitude that really sucks big time. No one have imagine things to be turning around this way. I said so, 'cause some are just too weak to handle the truth, or even maybe the lie itself.

Pressured so much, until nothing was beyond the hold of something. Trapping people's feelings have never been a nice one for ages. Its for good we have battles and fights. Its just another session of exchanging opposite thoughts and comments. We do try to prevent it from happen. But 'till when you want to keep inside? Our body are not able to handle that much. We have our own mind controlling everything. And we use our Brain to decide what's right and what's not. But some lack this capability. Its either they don't practice enough, or they are simply dumb fuck. Get everything you need in this promise called Life, 'cause its all about decisions and some sympathy for others. Stop making promises if you can't control Life itself, 'cause too much promises may end up being hassle for you.

We tend to go for a hunt where we know the outcome might not be that necessary. Yes, the grass might be greener on the other side. But what's wrong with making full use of the grass on your side? Opportunity come and go. But we never know when exactly it comes and go. Do take full advantage of what we had earlier, and never use anything we never get later. Its all about time now. Some may win, others might make some great lost. I made some win and many lost. I guess that's how life roll about.

I'll never go find something that have been missing. Neither will I replace it. If it come back to where it should belong, then that is the thing we called Promise.

You, Damned.

2009-04-22T13:17:00.004+08:00

I never know when could all these end for once. Every time the hate just grow so much. Understanding more just make me lose more control over what I've should have been gaining. Everything seems to feel so wrong, and nothing else could have been a better one for me. But, I will never raise the flag and say that I've lose it all. I'm still holding to what people practice most of the time; Trust. Just don't make me change everything.

Showing off your guts never meant a single reason for me to be fear of you. Nevertheless, it makes me more interested in landing some justice onto you. In another word, you're just nothing rather than another Romeo in the making. Jealousy never plays a part in this. But its more of a reluctant act and disagreements. You could wonder a thousand years about what you going to do about this and other things. For me, I just need you to trigger everything and for instance, the changes shall take place. You might have created everything with your bare hands, but you forgot to use a little instrument called the Brain. This is what you might called a Gentleman's Game, but you playing it like my little brother playing with his toy truck.

Since you got tons of guts, why don't you share some with me and show what you made of? I'm not asking you for a fight. But I rather want to know whether that balls of yours are worth the courage you're showing. Come forward and speak to me. I'll be ready for any surprise that will be coming out of your mouth.

Opened mouth, closed eyes. You speak a wonder, but none meant a single thing. & I'm not impressed.

Riff Hostility.

2009-04-16T15:26:00.003+08:00

With sands in the throat, I took these days with saying out, "It's another beautiful day". Opportunities flying around, with endless encouragement to catch one of it. It's never been so impressive than ever; But I will still stay and wonder as much. 'Cause I'll never stop dreaming.

Impressive, addictive as ever. Who ever told our needs could be so deadly? Keeping up with the fast pace of conversations, taking every risk just to hold to a promise called Life. Every turn at every corner, behold of something or someone you endured or embraced with. Something where taking chances means creating abundant of choices to play around with. Choose the right one, and the track will lead you. Choose the wrong one, and decide what's next for you. I'll say we keep trying passionately and with beliefs. 'Cause till now, no one knows the exact power of dreaming.

With a little tinge of red all over me. I've becoming more thoughtful as ever. Not to praise oneself, but the oppositions will never agree with the ideas I've came out with. The opposite; It has a reason of its own. Lies, cheats and everything that goes well with it. I paid the price for everything that I've done. Now, its time for everything to turn around. Its never easy, but difficulty is just another level. People just have to be a bit more aware of what's happening and to have better brains. Then will only realisations comes along. Don't forget about regret. It always comes in a package.

& if I do, I'll skip the regret part. 'Cause some are just too heartless.

Counting Clouds.

2009-04-08T10:00:00.003+08:00

I'm about nothing now. At times, some other things will never seems that important anymore. I'll leave it behind, though its bitter enough to forget things that have been priorities to you once. Its better to be living with the girl next door, rather than going on a hunt for nothing good.

I'm about nothing. Its all about the Yusof Ishaks now.

Setbacks Comes With A Price.

2009-03-28T22:42:00.002+08:00

I'm pacing myself up to keep track with the time. Sorry for that. It took most of the time I supposed to have. Pardon me.

Been working too much I guess, recently. Now I start to feel and see the aftermath of overworking my body. I need to start my old habit of sleeping at 8pm and waking up at 7am to watch Channel NewsAsia while having fake breakfast. Now, that's what I called life. But, have to throw it all away. Nowadays, I will be busy handling guest at 8pm. And at 7am, I will be busy trying to catch up with sleep. Maybe because of the lesser hours I get to sleep, I've been catching these weird sickness. Its not more about the sickness, but its about how often I got sick just in this month itself. Last 3 weeks, caught myself in the most painful era ever - the attack of the wisdom tooth. Thanks to Mom, will be going for an operation to take out that stupid wisdom tooth of mine this coming Wednesday. So much of a wisdom. Pfft.

Then, caught myself in a four-days, on and off fever. Actually I don't really mind getting sick. But I do mind and worry so much of the changes my body are showing off. Maybe these are just symptoms before serving the National Service. Yeah, laugh all you want.

Yes, I've changed yet again. Something was so strong, it could send waves right down my spine. Took quite a time to pick everything else up again. And yeah, people don't end relationship with a fight. Instead, I took the whole thing in my hands, and turn it around again. Managed to swallow the utterly disgusting ego of mine, and we managed to calm ourself down and talk about it. And, tada! We're good as new now. But its true when people say, once hurt, the scar remains? I guess that's true, but I can hide that scar somewhere save though. No worries. =) What's important now? The 8 years we built and shall carry on building. No one will stop it. And nothing.

That's all my fellow readers. And Dad's coming out of the prison soon. I can't wait for the changes he will bring back to the house. =)

Playful Tremble, Sing Along Baby.

2009-03-10T13:17:00.002+08:00

I had entirely changed the way to look at this. Never will I say I regret halfway, but nothing could have embrace this moments. And all these while, I thought things could have been different for the better. Now look at this. I'm singing my way through, while you've been hiding to hide it all the way. Where were you then?

The passion about it says so much, painting a picture will always tell a thousand word by then.

Rainy Days, Shine 'Thru.

2009-03-05T12:00:00.003+08:00

Friends. The definition of it is endless. Yes. Treasure it. 8 years is a big deal. All these happened was just a test. Surviving is the key to it. Hope you doing well at the other end, 'cause the crash was a lesson learnt. Its not about picking things up again. Its more about staying together for the wall we built long time ago. & I'm not giving this up anymore, never.

We start this over and over again. 'Cause there is never an end to you.

I really love you, friend. =)

Then & Now.

2009-02-22T13:04:00.002+08:00

I was pondering too much back then. It seems so nice before. But I had to let go everything. It was difficult though. But I guess, nothing could have been better now.

I'll try my best to ignore something that I've should, long time ago. No time for regretting and stuff. I got a lot of other better things to wonder about and finding solutions for other matters. Actually, I'm more worry 'bout myself. Where can I, bring myself to? Yes, things that can't break you, makes you stronger. Hey, a lot of things did really bring me to the edge where breaking down was the only aftermath I should have embraced with. But no. I try to figure things out myself, with advice coming from people whom I'm slowly planting my trust seeds in.

Ah. So now, I finally got a new fresh set of air. Everything seems so clear and fine for me now. Its been a wrecked week for me recently. Somehow, I managed to overcome everything. And, not forgetting lessons that I've learnt along the way. It makes me more clever in handling matters that seems impossible to overcome. I've to be more careful next time.

About that thing. Well, the best solution around; ignore it.

But once hurt, the scar will always remain. Always.

The Stars In January.

2009-02-19T12:26:00.002+08:00

I'm really tired. Not physically, but more to the mental perspective. I'm heavily endorsed to a lot of thinking lately. Trying to resolve problems, but to an extend where both party will not be hurt. So far, nothing good have happened. And its getting worse. On my opinion, it more about understanding. Maybe that is the underlying factor 'causing all these mayhem. And most probably about the way I handle this matter. The words I used, and every sentence i built to address this issue in words. But I would not blame it all, as I myself need to speak out rather than keeping it inside 'till it burst.

So do understand why sometimes I sound so harsh in my entries. I'm just saying out what I felt inside. If you don't really agree and not happy with it, we humans are taught to talk over matters. Well, do so. Like I told you, I'm open to listen. Yes, we might argue in the end. But for me, the argument we are involved will not end anything, but will open up our mind and will think more of what are our mistakes. Its more of exchanging ideas and thoughts, I shall call it. You see, we are encourage to always look matter in a different way. I'm looking it at a different angle. That is why our opinions are never settling down. You always have different say from mine. I don't blame it. We have different way of approaching this matter. But all that matters is coming to a common term in the end.

And yes, we do need to talk. End all these once and for all.

Now.

2009-02-17T00:32:00.002+08:00

And I acknowledged the change you made. So, this is what you truly made of? Good for you. I can't be nothing but happy for you. I don't really know what to do next. Serious. Would you like tell me what I'm suppose to do next? Haa. I don't think you would do so. Next thing I know, we will like not be in any terms.

I'm not throwing everything away. You just gain something. So I lose in the end. So what's there to throw? I know, you would say that its just me. Some of encouragements would do good for me. As long you're happy, that would be good enough for you, right?

I would have put my beliefs first. I took everything the wrong way and it turn out this way. Sorry for dragging you into this. But I shall never be sorry for myself.

7 years coming to a 8? Nothing could have been enough to prove everything to you, right? Guess I'm just simply won't be good enough for you. He is.

I should shut my thoughts now. Saying more will only create more anger of yours and you be hating me for life. So I guess I leave you alone now. Go. Go and love him like you never love before. Just bear this in mind, you just saved me from more trouble. What trouble? You go find out yourself. And ever if you remember 'bout me all of a sudden, tune in to the Maroon 5 DVD I gave you. You'll get your answer there. That is, if the DVD is will be around with you for quite sometime. Looking around in these room, nothing could remind me of you instead of the bag you gave me. I try to hide it somewhere for now. I'm trying my best to forget about everything. When the right time comes, I'll take it out again to reminisce those good times which I never had with you, but wish so.

And for him, tell him that he just did something great. Simply filled with goodness. Yes, it did bring me down, badly. That's the only part you won't understand and agree with. But I don't care 'cause you seems not too.

And my dear peeps who encouraging me to pick myself up again, thanks to you guys. Its been a hell of a week, and I'll seek help if I need to, from you guys. Yes, this is just another lesson learnt for me. And I had enough of it.

Enough. This will be truly awkward for me. But I have to swallow it though. Goodbye.

Its Going To Change Now.

2009-02-16T12:39:00.003+08:00

So you get to go over it as if the water was no trouble. Looks like either one of the side must not have been that greener.

In this battle of best man win, one winner will appear. Obviously, you chose him instead and I'm, somehow, is the loser with no surprises. Instead, you surprised me. Its true, that you are always good with surprises. Kudos to you for not failing to surprise me.

I can't say much. All I can do now is like, ignore everything? I mean you have someone whom you feel secured and warmth, why should I worry much? You are in safe hand, don't you? Looks like my job are done till here. Now, you always have someone to look up to for when you're down, when you need that someone.

About me? Its up to you actually. Yeah, you should know pretty well that I'm truly hit by this. But like usual, nothing have happened after that. But hey, why should I even mention about myself in this paragraph now? Surely what I'm feeling now doesn't really bother the World anymore. But does it really ever bother before? I wonder.

Nadhirah, no one's perfect, yes you know. But apology seems to be the hardest word ever mention. All these while, things happened mainly because of my stupid act. But think properly, it takes two hand to clap.

Sorry if I sound to harsh in this entry. I'm standing firm on my ground. And I'm not trying to destroy your celebrations with him. Just opening up how I feel all these while. I know this is not the right time, but I just felt its the right time for you to listen to me well.

Congratulations to you. Now I know and understand well, what friends can really do to achieve something, at all cost.

Don't you feel sad 'cause at the end of this story, you gain something, while I lose it all. So you should know who ought to feel sad instead.

Congratulations, Nadhirah. Congratulations.

28 January 2008.

2009-02-15T12:40:00.002+08:00

Was so shocked and sad. So I decided to browse through my inbox. And I found this. Received this during my 19th birthday.

"First and foremost,

(for the 4th time I think) let me wish you a Happy 19th Birthday Khairy Alfian! Well, we're 19 years old now. Don't you think it's gone a lil too fast?? It's been one hell of a fun when we greeted each other our birthdays respectively back in school since sec one. For all I last remember we're still in our school attire calling each other names which we're not supposed to, however, I'm sure we might be laughing to every memory now. I remembered when you used to ask Asyraf to tease me Pelacuran Bombay when we're having our malay lesson and I would sulk over it and will remain mum with you for 3 months, yeahh? Haha. How childish!

But I never knew the teasings since then create something that would last till now. A friendship which you & I understand more than anyone else, a friendship which we tie on a base to compromise, to laugh and to cry out of. I know, there's somehow a big difference in which I treat any other guyfriends that I have than you- atrocious. Someway or another you must feel a slight envy of that. You can't deny it. Your feelings towards me just scare the hell out of myself. Sometimes I feel really really bad on why I won't able to open up and hang-out with you like any other bestfriends do. Like I might get you hurt instead if I wanna open-up and get really personal about everything life has to offer me. But, I guess by the alternative too I get you hurt. So what am I supposed to do? You might think I'm a heartless and care-no-less piece of crap. Trust me, you have to see on my side.

I have to respect your hopes for that. They're too high for me to catch and keep in my pocket. But friend, don't let it roam too high till you yourself not able to take it back. You are a very good-est friend of mine, someone whom I know I can stand with when anything happens, you're the man of yourself and believe it or not, you are very very strong. You have a very bright future lie ahead of you, your endeavours and everything. Please don't drown yourself too much on your emotions. Put it aside and see another side of life's flow for you to consider. Be like me, thick-skinned and happy. Though life sometimes snatch away my part of happiness, I pull it through with my thickest skin I myself can't imagine. As for you to know, life is just too short for you to dwell and cry. Let's waste it with something blissful and you may not know when you last cried.

I would love to carve a 3 sec (or more) smile on your face every single day just to know I made someone happy the least although I may not be at your side. But I have my own space and problems to do all that. I might not be too free everyday. But for you to know, you're always there in a corner of my heart. Don't worry, you will not be erased. Your dedicated songs, our She Will Be Loved, remember you sent me a song titled Heart Tragedies by Last day Out?, I have that in my mp3, your Accidentally in Love, our That Thing You Do, our I'll Be There For You, more or less your face will etch in mind every now and then. And I will smile to myself. HAHA. See? Noone have that special space other than you. I'm saying this not for the sake of pulling back your strength and keeping you happy but it's all true. I shouldn't be telling you this, but in another way, don't you think I'm opening up something which I am not supposed to?? See, this is another cryptic message by each other which we should understand more not just by talking on the phone, messaging or even chatting. This is why I feel comfortable to talk about with you. (:

This entry was supposingly be a short one but I guess it's gone already so long. It's just something I want you to know that don't feel aloof by my way of act. This is just me. You never know how I treat the other guys. Different people have their different way of attitude. Mine's different. So by now, I just would love to embrace ourselves with our 19th birthday altogether, let's keep each other company in life and start everything anew. I promise I won't make any promises without fulfilling them. (((((:

Lots of love from your lovable friend (ahem!),

Nadhirah A. Jalil"

After what I've discovered earlier on, and after retrieving this email, I cried.

And Made Was Nothing Than Foe.

2009-02-15T11:19:00.003+08:00

Its been awhile since I do updates. Here's one.

Just shifted to a new house. I like the new house. A bit bigger than the old one but nothing to special. But still, I'm in love with it. Thanks again for those who helped me out during the shifting process. Owe you guys a big one.

Now, I don't really understand why all these have to happen at this time. I had enough trouble getting the family together and holding them up. Now, friends are turning their back on me. I'm not too sure. Am I not doing enough for everyone to see? I could have been a nasty friend, if I wanted to. But I don't want 'cause I appreciate every moment spent with them. I don't really get it. If history says that friends are there to stay with you, why do I have problems when having friends around me?I'm not in favour when friends turn their back. I don't really expect that to happen. I had nothing in this World left, except friends and family. If I lose either one, I'll go bonkers.

At times, I don't feel that sense of appreciation. I appreciate everyone. But do the other party doing the same thing? Or am I just another guy in their lives who says hi and goodbye after that? I know, you might say that I'm just thinking too much. But I can sense anything. Even though its not the real thing, but somehow it will lead me to something which, at times, is a hard truth that I had to swallow. Now I rant everything here. But I'll bet, afther this, nothing could have happen. Yes, I admit I can't change anything. But, do I have a choice? I do want to live. No choice, but I have to make the change myself. I want to live in peace. Not in some trashbag condition where I have to sit back and just watch everything just crumble down right in front of me.

I've done a lot of things to keep up with the pace. I try to be the best out of the best. But no one can still see it through. No one. I don't ask alot actually. I just want to feel being appreciated. Thats all. I know I'm not supposed to beg for appreciation. But, thats all I need, now.

To tell the truth, everything just crumbled down. And I hate it.

I feel like punching, tearing my laptop apart now. I'm damn angry with everything.

God, I feel like tearing everything down. Seriously.

Never Had Faith.

2009-02-04T13:06:00.005+08:00

Thoughts of it could never had save the situation. I, myself, do had chances to turn things around. But I rather not take advantages of the current motions 'cause nothing had hurt me this much. Nothing else could compare to this.

As I set my aims, thinking that turning 20 could be everything. Instead, it just did carry on with the episodes. Why things couldn't change by itself? I would, or should, expected more and better changes to the plot in this part of the story. Pass out on this part, so I could somehow have a little faith in me. Now I'm done with magical words, what else can I do to make things right for you and everyone? It seems very easy for other people to comply with new changes, but somehow people around them don't get too comfortable with it. Get it?

Some of you might not understand this. Yes, this is how complicated my thoughts are now.

Its been a decade since I lived on this. But nothing, possibly nothing could have pick me up again.

Disbelieved.

2009-02-02T14:04:00.002+08:00

Keeping quiet doesn't mean I'm nothing. Yes, its not. I'm just not too bothered. One sense is situationally disabled, but I got the other four senses to set the forecast. I don't really care that much, but the feeling is just killing me now. I'm not angry or anything, I'm just disappointed.

Really disappointed.

20 Years and On.

2009-01-28T11:53:00.002+08:00

Today, 28 January 2008, marks the day of me turning to 20. So far so good. Everything's going good for me. I do feel different after turning 20, but still no drastic changes yet. haha. Crap sia bobby.

So I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone for their wishes and curses as well. Thank you, thank you so much. The thoughts really touched me. I wish I could treat you all to a big dinner, but what can I do? I'm only earning a tiny weeny amount of money. haha!

Happy 20th Birthday, Khairy Alfian.
*Dah besar anak mak eh. =)

Let It Creep, Tonight.

2009-01-21T14:43:00.003+08:00

And one more week to go. The week that myself and herself are waiting for so long. Soon enough, we be hitting our BIG 20. I know, its no big deal. Thus, ignore us. We're just too happy that we turning 20 in the same week. WOOTS.

And peeps, do cross out your dates on 28th February 2009. EVOLA, my band will be playing in our first ever public appearance at The Arts' House, 9pm. Tickets are going off at 12 bucks. So if you're interested or somehow felt pity for us and wants to support us, please do approach me for tickets. Don't worry. We're playing something like alternative punk rock. So its somehow easy listening. No screaming and yelling shit. Its a one day event. You can come to support other local bands that are say, same level as us? So do show some love to them and us! \m/

Alright. That's all people. I don't want to talk more.

& I'm so in love with Mega Prosperity Burger. Yum.

Oh How Wonderful It Could Be.

2009-01-17T12:19:00.003+08:00

'Forget who hurt you yesterday,

But don't forget who loves you tenderly today.'

Please Take Time.

2009-01-13T20:54:00.003+08:00

Dear Ms. N,

I know that you're real sad that in the first place, I didn't reply to your text message. I'm sorry about that. And you get superbly sad and upset when you don't know that I changed number and that I did not informed you. I'm super sorry about that too. Let me explain what had happened.

I've lost my phone recently and lost all of my contacts, including yours. All the numbers I've saved inside are gone with the phone as well. So I got a new number later onwards. And looking that I don't have any numbers with me, I did not update anyone with my new number. Those who ask me, only then I give them my new number. But that doesn't mean you have to find me and ask for it. 'Cause I know on your part, you did not know that I've lost my phone, so how would you have ask me for my new number? So the blame now won't go on anyone. I always wanted you to know that I changed my number. But I'm always occupied with something that I tend to forget about it. And its not like everytime that I see you around. You know how difficult at times for us to clash at the Quarters back at our working place, right? And in times where I see you, my brain won't just simply initiate the idea to inform you my new number. Pardon me, 'cause at these times, you know I'm always thinking about lots of things. My problems with the current family's situation.

What I'm trying to say here is that I'm sorry that I did not inform you about the change. Its not on purpose that I do not want to update you. You know that I'm going through alot since my father's away. I'm the man of the house now. It does not feel good as it sound so. I've got alot of things at the back of my mind. So I tend to forget about alot of things as well. Please understand me here. Yes, I try my hardest to remember alot of things, but I tend to forget most of it. Yes, I know that informing you about my new number is a simple thing, but these simple things are things you tend to easily forget.

But one thing you should know that I will always try my best to remember you, even though its the easiest or the hardest way. And one thing that I will never ever want to lose, is the friendship that we've tied up for about 7 years. Please Ms. N, I'm sorry about my actions. Hope I can really make it up to you. I don't want both of us to be sour faces as our birthdays are coming up real soon. You should know how important the month January is to us, right? =)

And for those who read this and thinks Ms. N is childish or anything bad, well I guess you should keep your thoughts in silent mode. She is not childish or whatever ideas you guys could come up with. What if your bestfriend forget to update you his or her new number to you? Wouldn't you be disappointed? Same goes to her. But if any of you still insist of thinking negative about her, try your luck then. Don't just let me caught you doing so, alright? Whatever happens after that will not be a pleasant one for you. Funny right? Seriously, don't try me.

& Ms. N, please do accept my apology. I will stay up all night tonight just to find your number and update you with my new one. I will. Just you wait and see. Whatever the reasons are, please don't take it like I'm trying to reason with you. All that I've explain here are the truth, nothing but the truth. Do believe me. I would not seriously waste someone so special like you. Without you, everything I do will never feel right. But please, don't be dishearten by this matter. I don't want you to be disappointed with me.

Please don't.

Irritated.

2009-01-11T12:57:00.003+08:00

I'm sorry I have to delete the previous post regarding my Dad. It seems that some people are really working their sorry ass just to find out about everything. To these people, keep on trying. Maybe you should stop so, 'cause you're not getting anywhere too. And its not helping us either. So what's behind all the effort? It's meaningless though. Simply, I just don't understand you guys. Period.

And seriously, you are not helping. I expected more in bad times, but what I get now is less. Or perhaps nothing.

Been Long Time Coming.

2009-01-02T12:09:00.003+08:00

Guess its the right time for a proper update. Don't you think so? So let's get on with it.

Let's start of with some goodness. I'll take this opportunity to wish everyone a Happy New 2009. Hope you guys are ambitious enough to get along the new year. And spread alot of love during 2009. Spark something new, and be a better person to affect others as well. Don't let unnecessary things get you down or you won't be going anywhere.

Work. This few days, or shall I say this past week have been a treacherous. Tons and tons of guests coming down to Night Safari as if its a free-entry week to Night Safari. But kudos to all those working their hot ass-es all these nights. They sacrifice their countdown celebrations, Christmas eve etc just to be at work to help out with the operations flow. Really have to salute their efforts. Where family and friends spending time together during good times, these group of people are working real hard to deserve the money they earn. Put the money matter aside, tell me who would work on Christmas Eve and New Year Eve? Only people working at Night Safari will. I'm proud of it and I'm sure the rest does too.

Not forgetting our annual Dinner & Dance. It was the best moment I had with all my colleagues from the different department. Good music from our ex-staff, Karthi, good food sponsored by Chand and the best of all, splendid working colleagues. Everyone was sporting enough to participate in every activities during the whole thing. Games, performance and dancing. The best thing is that everyone was so enthusiastic and supportive for every performance done by our own staff. I'm so touched that they sing along and clap along. That's what we called 'One-hearted Working Colleagues'. Never had so much fun with them. Again, kudos to them.

Something unpleasant cracked last night at work. I don't want to say much here as to avoid rumours going around. But whatever it is, take it easy my friend. You know we are always here for you, during or even after work. I'm trying my best to imply to the demanding working standards. And do take note that I'm ready for anything at work if its to make the operations flow smoothly every night. Let's do not put the blame on anyone and just carry on working as a team.

Life. Lately, I was heavily endorsed on thinking about things. Alot of things. I myself could not even straighten things out. Family, friends and even myself is a problem now. I used to take things lightly. but after seeing the aftermath of doing so, I guess I have to make a move as well. If I could, I want to make a change. A change where everyone would just fit in nicely. I think I'm caring for others too much. But I do love everyone around me. What they feel and think is more important to me rather than my own. People would say that's where I gone wrong. But whoever said caring about others is a mistake? I don't agree on that. It's true when saying goes ' different people, different perspective of life'. I guess my perspective of life is alienated. Haha.

Love. Ermm. Worry to talk about this now. Let's just say, everything is alright? That sounds more pleasing, don't you think so? I'm worried that I don't have room for this no more. I suck at it. Period. Given up? Most likely no. More to getting irritated by it. So complicated yet so annoying and demanding. Argh fuck it. Can someone please tell Mr. Cupid to quit his job? Be a beggar or a Ground Crew staff at night safari instead. He can use his love and charm to handle guest. And I break his arms if he keeps shooting arrows to my back. Its a promise.

Alright that's all folk. Happy New Jeer.

... And He Will Always be Yours

Hello 20.09.

2009-01-01T12:22:00.002+08:00

Happy New Year. 2009, welcome! And, I'm so happy to be turning 20 years old this month. 27 more days to go. WOOTS.

2009 is here. & I'm so tired. Really tired. (-.-")

Proper post coming soon. When the time is right. Tunggu tau Shila. =)

This Could, Be Obvious.

2008-12-11T14:34:00.002+08:00

Hello everyone out there. Back with some mini-winie updates.

December just kicked in. Well, not really just. Its already 11 December. December, full packed actions in weeks to come. Be having camps, BBQ outings, Sentosa outings, etc. And not forgetting work. But work is getting really corny, I shall say. Minimum requirement to work every month is 12 days. This month I requested for 25 days of working, straight everyday without fail. And the management only entitle me to 9-days of work. And when I ask why, the common answer will always be sounded, "I Don't Know". That's not an answer. Its more of a simple respond initiated between human's common speech. Its fine with me. There is nowhere I can place the blame on. Oh well, 9 days are better than nothing. And I'm in love with my job! =)

Talking about camps, this year will be my last year as a Youth Volunteer at Assyafaah Mosque. I cannot believe its been about 3 years that I've been doing events after events with the rest of my youth volunteers. Quite fun though. Lots of ups and downs. Its not quite true when youngsters out there say being a youth a volunteer at a mosque is an asshole. Well, after experiencing it myself, I can conclude they are the assholes instead. So this camp is somehow to spot talents to replace the current EXCO committee members. I hope the person who going to take up my post will be a good one. Maybe look alike with me? Haha. So my legacy will be brought forward till eternity. Lame O' Me.

And not long enough 2009 will kick in soon. Alot of things I want to achieve in early 2009. For example, my bike license. I want to pass it as soon as possible. But for bike license, I'm not as enthusiastic as the time I was taking my car license. Maybe laziness struck again? But no matter how or what, I will go for it as I need my own transportation to travel around on this island. Can't stand MRTs and Buses no more. Had enough of typical acts of different human nature.

Alright I guess that is all about it. See you guys in the next update again.

Take care, play safe and don't take drugs. Take mentos instead.

& I so cannot wait for January to appear. =)

Changes.

2008-12-02T15:59:00.002+08:00

Hey ho everyone. Its been a while for a real update. Haha.

So nothing much happened recently. Just the usual ups and downs. But hey, I have to go on and on. So keeping things within my reach was not simple, but I got motivations to keep trying. All these while, its been work and school. Wake up in the morning for school, come home have a short nap and off to work. That's the cycle of my daily routine. Yes, I do get offs once in a while. I need those to catch up with friends and family. Even they get irritated by me working everyday. If I'm not working, then where the hell I'm suppose to get the money, right? I'm sure none of my friends want to give me money everyday. I'm not looking down on them, but reality check here. Would you give me money everyday? LOL.

That's all folks. Another updates in about 3 months' time? funny.

& I'm so afraid of changes. Am really do.

Come Down & Pick It Up.

2008-11-17T12:49:00.002+08:00

Finally, a new set of breathe. Much more clearer than ever. I know it won't be as grand as before. But slowly we pick up everything again. 7 years is a really big period of time. And I got alot to make it up again. And don't worry, I've come to my senses and its saying it won't be easy for a new start.

Thank you. No one could ever be more splendid than you are.

The Aftermath.

2008-11-09T19:15:00.001+08:00

You shouldn't have come here, I know.

We forget the things we sworn earlier, already did.

The things she swore, they never make me feel anymore.

Don't treat me like I ever accused you.

She used to say that I'm the one she don't want to lose.

So what's next to this, I wonder.

She will never read this.

Never bothered and never care.

That's her now.

She never understand, and I couldn't be better.

Dishonoured.

2008-10-22T14:22:00.002+08:00

=)

I started this with a smile. Let's end with a smile. Sorry it got to end this way. We could be friends, like you said. But I rather we go our own ways so we will never be a misery for each other, anymore. But hey, don't get me wrong there. You're never be my misery. But I could be yours. So it be good if I take a step back. So you could move on.

I know you won't cry or something when reading this. I sucks at writing good content. But do understand that this might be difficult for me. I'm not too sure about you. But I doubt it would. 'Cause you are yourself. The girl whom I know to be strong in hard times. Who always look at the bright side.

If you reading this, I hope its not backed with anger. I just want you to know this could be the answer to all our problems, personally. I really thing you're the nicest person I've ever known. You are. I admit, I be trembled by this decision I made. But its for my and your own good. I know you would not agree with this, but its a fact that we should settle this once and for all. We tried to be bestfriends, it does happened but I don't really enjoyed it that much. We seldom go out together, have meals together, talk for a long time together, taking many pictures together just like best friends do. I'm not asking for all these, but from perspective, that's what best friends is.

I shall say no more. And whatever it is, I'm not, and never will put the blame on you. Maybe all these happened has reasons, that's what people said. To hell what people said 'cause I don't see the reasons behind all these.

Before we go separate ways, let me quote something you said to me before.

"Its not about the feelings or what, its the chemistry between us that never works." - N.

This will never, ever leave my brains.

Chemistry & January.

& Separate Only.

2008-10-11T17:06:00.002+08:00

She said things I myself could not adjust with.

Its too high to handle, and the wishes just fall.

Feel the future talking to you,

where you sit and watch with handful of thoughts.

If ever she could understand.

& Don't you ever say that I'm the one,

you want to lose.

Its Been A While.

2008-09-26T15:26:00.002+08:00

Sorry for the oh-so-long never update kinda shit. Been busy working at night and sleeping in the day. Making this a quick and sweet update.

4 more days to Hari Raya. Nothing special and nothing to look forward to. Except going to visit friends' houses and stuff. Other than that, I rather be working.

So friends, let's us get ready to rumble during this Hari Raya. We got alot of visiting to be done. WEEE.

Will update after the first week of Hari Raya. See ya.

& she look so, so sweet with her new rebonded hair. =)

& I Swear Upon Nothing Last.

2008-09-11T11:54:00.002+08:00

& as I gaze up to the sky, I wonder.
Will this carry on this way, or just act the way it is?
I'll stop dreaming, if this is what you call a dream.
Or I just have to stop the sky from forming up again.
I'm not God, but I got the Will.
& its you.

Ramadhan Mubarak.

2008-09-02T14:43:00.002+08:00

Hello there, we meet again. And I'm full of ambitious feelings this past few day. Plus, I don't know why. haha.

Ramadhan is here, once again. All Muslims, supposingly, will restrain them self from eating and drinking the whole day. This is to follow our Prophet Muhammad's (P.B.U.H) actions that he did when he was alive. Coming to a second day, it seems fasting is just normal for me. I guess after being trained for 18 years coming to 19, fasting would just be a breeze. But this year round, its totally different. Not much challenges from people around me. People at work all are fasting, yesterday. But hopefully they still fast today and the upcoming days. I heard some people are planning to fast only on the first day and last day. Laughing out loud 'till my neighbour thought its the sky cracking.

But to seriousness. Maybe we all grown up enough. It takes courage and maturity to conquer challenges not only in Ramadhan, but in any other months as well. It depend on us and how we think over that problem. If you still take matters like a 5-year-old kid stranded in Toys R' Us, then I guess you're the problem itself.

Let's us don't say much. Take this opportunity in Ramadhan to be doing good deeds and obtain great rewards from Allah. Take this opportunity to be good to your family and friends. Then will only your Ramadhan be superbly be a meaningful one. Plus, celebrating Hari Raya will be more joyous then never.

See you guys around. Selamat Berpuasa! =)

Sentosa-ish.

2008-08-27T12:16:00.012+08:00

As promised, a post on the 2nd trip to Sentosa, also known as Taufik's and Faiz's farewell gathering. Both of them going to NS in September.

Taufik, Faiz & Zulhairi.

The usual gang at work.
Faiz & Me.
Stone Face.
The 3 botaks.
Mayne, Both of them leaving for NS soon.

Ah Boon, Viky G, Raymond.

The boys playing soccer. I wasn't there 'coz I'm lazing ard in the sea. hehe.

I was about to spit onto Faiz's head, and was caught on camera. Shit.

Captain's Ball Game: Team A.

Captain's Ball Game: Team B.

Irene, Taufik & Annie. Both of the girls are taken, guys.

Raj, Steven, Faiz, Taufik, Annie & Huda.No one new except the center girl, Renee and the girl with cap, Fadilah.

Take notice that every picture must have taufik and faiz. Wonder why.

"You spank mine, and i spank yours!', said Viky G to Taufik. Another incident of whales found stranded on the beach of Sentosa. Boon, please don't put me in East Lodge for 1 month!

Viky G thinks I'm the best sofa on Earth.

Boyz In Tha Hood.Girlz In Tha Hood.Astounding move done by Me.Why so serious sia my face?

A picture took from a distance. Ah boon act cute, like normal. The Sun was scorching hot, I tell you.

Like usual.

Last group photo before we went off. Naito Safari!

We had dinner at Seah Im Foodcourt. After that, some went home and a few of us stayed for a while at Vivo open space to chat for a while.

After chit-chatting for quite some time, all of us went off for home with hearts contented. =)

Sore & Tight.

2008-08-25T16:34:00.002+08:00

Oh God. The pain is just killing me inside. Its so painful, that I had sleepless nights, uncomfortable mornings and pain-bearing afternoons. I can't sit, I can't stand and what's more lying down.

Introducing a sore eye on the left and a painful stomach. That's just summarised the whole of this week.

And not forgetting, thanks to the tumbling stomach, I've not been shitting properly as well. Now I'm worried and waiting for my payroll to see Mr. Doctor.

Argh. Can anything be better?

Save Tonight.

2008-08-19T21:34:00.002+08:00

Hello everyone. No need proper introduction. I'm just back to give a short and sweet update.

Here's what new:

1. New song running up in my blog. (Yay!)
2. Planning to save $400, but now left $123.45. (Pfft!)
3. 2nd warning letter regarding attendance arrived from ITE Bishan. (Thanks!)
4. Handphone dying soon. (Hold on and don't die on me!)
5. Pre-enlistment Documentations for National Service done. (Wow.)
6. 21 November 2008, Medical Checkup For National Service. (GULP!)

Round of applaused for all the new happenings. Number 5 and 6 really show me that time is moving fast and I'm soon to be man.

Wait. I am already a man. haha. Sorry boys.

Next update will be on the trip to Sentosa last Sunday with Night Safari Stuff. Great outing. And it will be the first post with lots of pictures. That is a promise!

See you guys around. =)

I Know. I Knew.

2008-08-13T11:54:00.003+08:00

Gahh. Its been a while since the last update. I just can't find that correct time to update this blog of mine. Been working late nights straight last week, and two more weeks to come. Sorry to all.

My energy level are draining down very well. School have been left out and can't kept focus on it. My focus have been shifted to the house's expenses and my own expenses. Since Dad's not been working because of his case, I have to work my ass out. He too, can't say anything much. He worries about my school, but he can't stop me from working 'cause he knew I'm the next income earner. I'm not trying to boast or something, its just the real thing right now. So he just keep things neutral nowadays. He knows I'm doing something right.

And to me, its something right either. I'm losing out on school for something that is good. I got no other choice. If I don't do this, either way I would lose too. I'm stuck in a win-lose situation right now. But still, I have to be either in the winning side or the losing side. I don't ever want to lose out on school, but if I stop working, who's going to support the family? I swear if I stop working, it does make a lot of difference. It really does.

So stop harassing me with sayings that school is much important than money and stuff. Zip it. I knew that a long time ago. But in reality and current situation, that saying have to be put aside and reality come first. So for those who like to blabber their words at me saying about school and stuff, shut up. You don't know what I'm going through right now. And if you got nothing to help with, then I suggest you save your breath and find alternatives to help me. If you don't want so, then help yourself by keeping a distance from me. You're just not helping, I swear.

How I wish late Mama was still around. Sure thing she sort this out. =(

& The Effort Counts.

2008-08-01T11:25:00.004+08:00

& if you could just hear me out, I don't think you have to do or say all these. Spare a minute or two, and I could ensure nothing would have been this wonderful to your ears. I don't go for specialty, but rather go the extra mile for something that I know would last. Even if we don't know from the start, we could just try and mould it to ensure its longevity. I don't go for words, but rather go for actions which is more clearer and obvious. Talk is rather cheap, so I go for something expensive if it would make alot of difference.

So please don't go saying there's no one else would go the extra mile to make you happy. I would go down on my knees if that's what make you smile. Remember, saying might be easy, but I meant my words.

You know I must, should, would, will do anything for you. Yes, you.

Feeling Light & High.

2008-07-26T13:58:00.001+08:00

Today is Saturday. Feeling very tired 'cause last night was working and there was huge volume of crowd. No breaks, and been standing for solid 5.5 hours. All that for the money, hunneh!

Currently my head is going on a bonker mode. Its like having its own heartbeat and its very unpleasant. All thanks to the neighbour one level up above me. I don't have any idea what they doing to their floor, which is my ceiling. They making thumping sound and its been going on the whole afternoon. And its very, very irritating. I think they having a mass "Tumbok Chilli" using "batu lesong" party. haha.

I was thinking of changing the habit of updating my blog. What I mean is instead of updating with ton of words, I would rather take pictures and post it here. You can call it pictography (if there's such word!). But its kind of girly stuff and I don't usually use the camera function on my handphone when I'm outside. I don't really do that stuff unless necessary. And I don't really know when its necessary to use it. haha! But I try to do that though. Might be very interesting. Maybe I do a post titled "A Day At The Safari", where I be including pictures of where I'm working. From the start where I reached the bus stop at zoo, all the way to the pantry areas and stuff. Wouldn't it be cool? Me too thought so.

Alright that's all. I'm just too happy and high 'cause she is always happy nowadays. You know who you are. =)

Not Done. Don't Think.

2008-07-22T11:17:00.000+08:00

Today is Tuesday. Supposed to be in school, yet stuck at home, on the dining table. Not literally on the table itself, but sitting beside it and harassing the laptop. Its not that I don't have a choice not going to school, I do have. But instead, choose not to go to school. I'll go tomorrow, alright? *evil grin*

Yesterday, Toshiba informed me that my laptop is done with repair. Could have collected it yesterday as well. Thanks to my younger sister, everything didn't went smooth. Also thanks to her ignorant attitude and stingy-ness. I don't want to elaborate more on this. It really burns me inside. Pfft. Great thing Dad still here to settle the problem. So I'm still happy as *&$%. Now who's at the losing end? If only she would have given me the money, everything would end smoothly.

Tonight got to work. Tomorrow school at 10am. Think I could make it? haha. =D

Speaking of work, I wonder how she's doing with her new job.

Back Here.

2008-07-20T16:56:00.000+08:00

Hellos to all. Sorry for the long time not updating my blog. It almost went dead, but I manage to save it.

Been busy with school and work as usual. Plus, my laptop is down and had sent for repair. Yet, still to collect it and its been a month. Toshiba, get ready to be screwed by me. Now using siblings' laptop. Yeah, I got my own laptop. I don't like sharing stuff with my siblings. They are pain in the ass. Simple as that.

Work, work and more work. All I could think and hope for is money and more money. It seems that the need for money is endless. I don't understand it myself, but maybe due to the long list of items I want to purchase. Currently, the number 1 item i can't wait to rape is Iphone. I'm going to purchase it once I got my pay next month. Hello August! And Welcome Iphone!

I might sound different nowadays. I tend not to bother about things unnecessarily anymore. I'm sick of the things I foolishly did all these while. I learnt alot of things. Number one thing i learnt and will always remember it; Never put someone as your number one priority if they put you as one of their options only. You get it? You should. Better choose wisely and treasure well. Cause every steps taken mean alot of things. Choose what? You should know even better.

People say choosing friends are no good. But if your future's at stake, shouldn't we choose our options in the present? Think about it.

& How I Wish.

2008-06-30T10:59:00.000+08:00

One thing you should know.

You can, and ought to be anyone you want to be.
Nevermind the rest, a change have to happen.
Don't turn back to see.
It will only worsen the condition again.
If it feels right, then nothing could be wrong.

& me? I'm still not sure till now.
Lesson learnt and still learning.

Hello Again.

2008-06-22T13:10:00.000+08:00

Hello there. Nice to see you again.

Sorry for not been updating lately. Been superbly busy with work this month as I'm serving my 3 weeks of holidays.

Work has been a pain in the ass. Not because of my colleagues or the management. Its more to the guests visiting Night Safari. So many kinds of attitude and characteristics. Some are cool and easy, but some just deserve tight slaps from the right palm of mine. But hell, its still my job and I love my job very, very much. Especially my colleagues. Bunch of wackos and fun people to stay with. Just have to bear with the guests.

Thats all. See you again.

Only She Can Mark My Words.

2008-06-12T22:56:00.000+08:00

She never failed to make me happy.

Everyday, the thoughts of her smile filled me up,

encouraging every steps I take.

Hope were always there,

But motivations took over everything.

She never failed to say the right things.

"Music potraits the friendship between us",

She said.

It never did sound so suck up.

Instead, its so heartwarming.

Never did someone touched me that much and far.

Though we are thousand miles apart,

We are still under the same sky,

Where we enjoy the warmth of the Sun,

And share the Moon & Stars in the night.

Don't ever worry about losing each other,

'cause you know we won't.

She is my friend.

And She is Nadhirah. =)

And Here It Comes.

2008-06-10T11:33:00.000+08:00

Sorry had not been updating lately. Almost forgot about this blog. Busy paying more concentration on work. The urge for money never has its limit, yeah?

Gaining back composure was not suppose to be fun. Being it so manageable, achieving so would create a sense of new hope and some relieve-ness. I know, I do not post fun and nice-to-read blog entries. But rest assure, I do not rant nonsensical items. I am trying my best to feed my thirst to be as realistic and open as possible. I do not want popularity and fame. Otherwise, I just want to share stories of me, which might be related to yours. We could share experiences and maybe help each other out. I do not practice blog abuse. Then why should you?

This week will be the last for school. After that, 3 fat and solid weeks of holidays kick in. Finally, something that's so troublesome will be off for 3 freaking weeks! & being a workaholic myself, indulging great moments in work for 3 weeks straight would be fun. With focus on money, work would be a breeze. How I wish school never existed. But still, I will make space and time for some enjoyment elements. Can't wait for the class Chalet. She's coming yawwwww!

That's all. & don't say that I'm the one you want to lose.

The Story.

2008-06-01T13:17:00.000+08:00

She's watching me awkwardly from a distance.

Should I care?

Is there something more I should have known?

I don't need to wonder.

Follow.

Please follow me home.

This won't end like last time.

& the things you swore,

They never made me feel anymore.

Don't let them know,

I watched the situations crumbled.

Re-Advised.

2008-05-24T01:31:00.000+08:00

I know. Nowadays my entries are so damn boring and emotionalise. But running through it has never been good. I need someone to let it all out but to no avail. So these little space is where I let everything out totally. I'm not blaming any of my friends, but they seem superbly busy. And some even don't look like they too bother. So what the heck, you know?

Currently trying my best to buck up on my attendance in school. Trying so hard to be in school everyday without fail and to be early in school. Sincerely thanks to work, I've been putting school as a 2nd priority now. I have to work to simply support the current situations my family are in. It seems like there's no end to this. So please do comply to it and understand. I've never ask for all these so do bear with it for a moment.

I drop almost every commitments I used to have. I been loosening my grips on band practices, voluntary activities etc. I shifted my focus on job and school as well. But I tend to concentrate more on work. In the past before this, all my commitments are just to cover up empty times I used to have. But with work taking most of the schedule blocks, I rarely had time to even caress my pillow with proper suggested 8 hours of sleep.

Ahh. What ever it is, I'm happy with work. There's a steady income for me right now. I might be young to do this. But, I build this path myself. Walk with me, and you understand. Step over me, and you understand better. You know what happen next.

Love. I thought I could live without it. But temptations do have limits, I noticed.

& and reminder to all, looks never count. If you do, you lose track. Just keep focusing on the qualities of that person and never will you go wrong. This goes out to all. And I mean all. =)

& After This, There Should Be No More.

2008-05-20T12:42:00.000+08:00

What am I going to say now? Words that never made it out of this mouth has to be laid to waste. Again, I never wish for something so bad that imaginations run so wild. We tried to control the matter ourself, but its taking us deeper. Trust and promise are two big words. But its never meant for all. And now, it's being put to a test again. The challenge is on, and I wonder which can make it for the truth. Because upholding to both trust and promises are not an easy job. And when its not easy, that's when the tables are flip over. For me, I feel like flipping the table across your face.

& let's make this simple. If he's the one for you, then don't make me double. I wasted most of my life waiting.

Are you hiding something behind my back? If so, stop it. And you have alot of explanation to be done. Make sure its a good one, though.

The Weak. And The Lies.

2008-05-18T14:10:00.000+08:00

You said you will.

You said you can.

You said you promise,

to be the best out of you.

You said you wanted this to stay.

You said you see this the way I see.

But still, I never get to understand either.

After so much of this and that,

lies and fights,

Finally I got you right there.

You're just something so empty,

I never imagine you to turn out this way.

I am so sorry for you.

It Comes And Goes Away Real Well.

2008-05-15T23:50:00.000+08:00

Till now, I knew nothing could have been so good as far as it goes. I know, in these season, I could be something so wonderful, yet things have never been settled down for me. I swear this could have been easier than it seems and sounds.

But no one cares, for sure. They just take a peep and go away. I realised some points could have been so, so much clearer for them to see. Its something so clear, yet I never seem to understand why this could happen. People claim they have see something in you. Something so special, that ties between us and them was greatly appreciated. Bear this in mind, its just a claim. And people tend to get lost with their own aim and objective itself. I regret it alot, but I never show it. I used to trust alot, but now I guess I made up my mind.

Never will I care about anything else right now. Its all about reaching goals and setting footmarks everywhere I go. I be what I always wanted to be. And never will I forget where do I came from. I set it right here, and right here will it start again.

& all these while, the people will never care. =)

Good Mourning.

2008-05-13T11:13:00.000+08:00

"Use analogy to describe your problem, then solve it." - Ms Ema, Thinking Skills.

Something that left me pondering in school yesterday. After so long for not being in school last week, finally something good to learn. The claims above had kept me thinking and taught me a new way to handle my problem. Thank God for this new module. I really need it, I think.

School and work. It never goes well together. My thoughts were right. I could never do this. Nevertheless, I kept this instinct so close, and kept on with it. No motivations, no nothing else. Just pure hardworking abilities and proper mindsets. In all, I just need the money currently.

Life. Its been a while since I speak of it. I'm being noticed for the sudden changes in me. People have been asking me the reason behind for me to be so quiet nowadays. There's nothing more to speak of. I don't really need to be so noisy. I got alot of things coming right up to me and its really getting on my nerves. For that, I shouldn't waste my time and effort blabbering unnecessary stuff with people. I rather keep quiet and think for solutions. Whats more, I don't have anything to gain, neither to lose.

Love? I shall not speak of it as much yet. I could see nothing in this currently. All I know that, trying to be in it could never end me up in something wonderful as it sounds in the first place. It ends more relations and ties. I don't know what to do next. And sometimes I felt friends could never really comfort you though. Now that's the fact.

& people claim love is blind. I think we are the ones who are blind right now.

Welcome & Weep.

2008-05-10T01:48:00.000+08:00

Officially moved to Blogger now. Much better and cooler. Yeah, so welcome guys. Continue reading my articles.

This past few weeks. Nothing much but working the ass off. Really crazy about money though. Have been skipping school alot lately. Not bothered but still worry for debarment. So here's the catch - I promise to come school everyday next week. Need to buck up alot on my attendance. The benefit of going to school does not count anymore, as long as I'm eligible to take my exams, I be superbly fine. Just want my certificate at the end of the course.

Nothing could be better than this, but staying the same way really makes me sick. Enjoy.

A New. A Fresh.

2008-05-07T13:03:00.000+08:00

Decided to move on to here. Much more cooler than wordpress, but a little difficult to handle. Nevertheless, it takes time to learn. So people, welcome yourself. Please do tag on your left. Hope to catch up with some of you.

& at times like this, friends are all I need. But where are they now? I ponder.

haha!

2008-05-05T15:59:00.001+08:00

My first entry. woohoo!